Sketchbook Journal... Losing Sabre

When I very first made this blog, it was the time when my sweet cat Sabre had just left me.. a sad and rainy day, I was all alone, and so needed to write about him and my feelings on losing him.. Anyone who has had a beloved pet they lost, knows exactly what I was feeling at that moment... I never did write about him, it was just to hard.. I have posted a memorial to him on my other blog, and written about him there, but never about my feelings on the last day I had him.

I have never been so sad.. I knew that he was getting worse, but it was so very hard to let him go.

On friday night.. the night before he was taken to the vet.. (I didn't know at the time that the next day would be his last day with me) I worked on some jewelry orders, and would check on him frequently as I had done everyday for the past 4 months. He spent every moment of his time, sleeping on top of a cushy chair in the front room, close to the fireplace where it was warm and cozy. I had moved his litter box, and food and water into the same room, so that he didn't have to walk far to get to them.

He would look up at me everytime I came near him, with that same sweet look he always had for me.

I would help him get down from his little perch if he needed, but usually he was ok by himself.  I went back to working in the office, and at 11:00 pm decided it was time to go to bed. I had been sleeping on the couch, so that if he needed me in the night, I would hear him. When I laid down and pulled the blankets over me, he got down from his chair, and decided to snuggle up under the big fluffy blanket, I had folded at the end of the couch.. I thought maybe he just wanted to be closer to me. I petted him, and snuggled with him for awhile before drifting off to sleep.. occasionally I would wake up and check on him, and he was sleeping ok. His breathing a bit labored, but he seemed to be ok.

The next morning when I awoke, he was still at the end of the couch, awake and looking at me, he even let out a tiny sweet meow, when i called his name. I helped him down from the couch and he seemed very weak on this morning, so I helped steady him, while he used his litter box. After he was done, he went back to the couch.. I made him some food, but he seemed to not have much interest in it.. That worried me.. so I decided to call my vet.. we talked about him a little, and I made the decision that he needed to come in to the vet today.. he seemed to be getting worse.. 

After I hung up the phone, I took him outside for a few moments, he was never a outside kitty, but in his last month, I took him out frequently, wrapped in a blanket, and would swing on the swing with him, laying in my lap.. he seemed to love this, and was content to lay there, and even purr.

When i took him back inside, he got right back up on the couch, and started eating his food.. he even dropped some on the floor, and jumped down to get it. I called my vet again, telling her that maybe today wasn't the day?? But something in me made me decide that this was it. I was terribly afraid that he could get worse in the next day, with the fluid in his body, and suffer greatly.. I didn't have a car here, and DB was gone for the next few days.. My friend said she would drive us to the vet if needed. I called her back, and she came right over.. My heart is about to break right now, just writing this, but it has just been swelling up inside me for so long now, that i need to write about it.

Sabre has always been in a cat carrier, he hated to travel, our vet is about 40 minutes from our home. On this day I decided I would wrap him in a blanket and hold him. He didn't make a sound the whole drive.. This last day that i would ever hold my sweet cat again, the drive seemed to take 5 min. instead of 40.

I walked into the vet, and they took me to a room right away. I cried my eyes out, and hugged him.. he was just the sweetest kitty ever..my angel. Then he was gone, wrapped in his favorite blanket. I gave him one last kiss on his head, and quietly walked out. 

My sadness got the best of me that evening, alone, without my sweet boy. I have done the best I can to come to terms with this, but it is still so hard. I have a lot of photos of him to look at, but still miss him so very much. I have since gotten a new kitty, whom I named Rizing Phoenix, after the bird, as in, rising from the ashes of my sweet Sabre.. comes a new Bengal baby.  

~ Rest In Peace Sabre, You will Forever have a place in my Heart~

My Favorite Photo of Sabre and I... 


This Journal will now become my sketchbook, photo and writing journal, about all the wonderful things I see in my world..


Please come back and visit me again soon.. xo Juli